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Thread: Is it possible to have a dating life when you're disabled?

  1. #1
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    Is it possible to have a dating life when you're disabled?

    I have chronic pain, it makes me really flaky and I suffer from all the usual stuff disabled people do like episodes of depression, grumpiness and a general cynicalness. I'm fine with that and I deal with it as it comes, but I've found it makes me question trying to find a partner.

    I'd like a partner, I enjoy being in relationships, but I have no idea how to approach them as a disabled person. There just doesn't seem to be a huge market for us and being social is already a nightmare. Has any one got any experience on how to handle the dating market?

  2. #2
    Senior Member AmyS's Avatar
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    Hi Paper,

    I'm pretty much in the same boat. For me, chronic pain, can't walk etc.

    It would be nice one day to meet someone, but I wouldn't want to impose my lifestyle on someone else.

    For now I just keep to myself. Though at times I wish I could share an evening or day with someone.

    Hay Ho. Life goes on.

    Good luck if you decide to go down that route.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Lighttouch's Avatar
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    One of the problems with disabled people is a lack of self confidence.
    There's the fear of rejection and a whole host of issues about body image.

    Until you can love yourself for who you are how can you expect someone else too?

    Using websites like this are good to bounce ideas off other disabled people. The trouble is many people are socially awkward and don't like to meet up in person. It's a catch 22.

    You have to come out of your comfort zone of watching TV and live by doing stuff that feels uncomfortable initiately

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lighttouch View Post
    One of the problems with disabled people is a lack of self confidence.
    There's the fear of rejection and a whole host of issues about body image.

    Until you can love yourself for who you are how can you expect someone else too?

    Using websites like this are good to bounce ideas off other disabled people. The trouble is many people are socially awkward and don't like to meet up in person. It's a catch 22.

    You have to come out of your comfort zone of watching TV and live by doing stuff that feels uncomfortable initiately
    I absolutely despise this type of talk. It's self-help guru level non-sense and doesn't help any one. A lack of confidence doesn't get in the way of disabled people, as much as people want you to think it does. Disabled people can be very confident and some of us reject the entire confident spectrum because life isn't simply "I feel good" or "I feel bad" the way self confident is implied. You can have confidence in your football skills while having zero confidence in approaching the opposite sex. So a single "you must love yourself", devalues a person's complexity and is insulting to people on a basic level.

    People have different likes and dislikes, just because I hate my nose doesn't mean someone else doesn't love people with my nose type. Many years ago I dated a girl who had suffered a lot of abuse growing up, she hated herself but I couldn't of been more in love with her. It didn't work out in the end, but her lack of self love wasn't any part of that.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Lighttouch's Avatar
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    Is it possible to date if disabled??

    Yes is the answer and why shouldn't it be?

    I've dated many non-disabled women. Some a little older and some a lot younger. Some with average looks and some stunning lookers.,

    I've dated widows, single women, married women. I've dated white and ethnic women. I've dated women with children and with none. I've dated women in work and on benefit. I dated a non disabled fit dancer who was also a millionaire for 8 years - she had my baby.

    Is it possible for a disabled person to date?
    I'll leave you to decide. Confidence comes into the equation.

  6. #6
    Senior Member nukecad's Avatar
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    Hi Paper,

    LT is obviously a gregarious person. Other regulars on the forum, without naming names, are not so able to socialise.
    This applies to everyone, disability or not some people find it harder to find new dates than others.

    You say:
    "I enjoy being in relationships, but I have no idea how to approach them as a disabled person."
    But then say:
    "A lack of confidence doesn't get in the way of disabled people"
    Do you not think that this is a bit contradictory?

    Obviously I don't know you personally, or know your particular circumstances, but I would suggest that maybe your current negative attitude is putting potential partners off.
    (Have you read back through the posts you have made on this forum, and thought about how they may seem to others?)

    Sorry if you think that this is 'self-help guru level non-sense' but just trying to help.

  7. #7
    I too am thinking about looking to date again. My disabilities are new but I accept them. I'm a 42 year old single mum who needs a wheelchair when I go out. Who on earth will take me on lol

  8. #8
    Senior Member AmyS's Avatar
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    I don't see it is as lacking confidence, just the practicality of actually meeting someone i.e. distance, the time to build a friendship and trust.

    I'm happy at the moment, maybe I'll join a dating site in the future. It would have to be something like that I rarely go out to socialise.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Lighttouch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pinklover View Post
    I too am thinking about looking to date again. My disabilities are new but I accept them. I'm a 42 year old single mum who needs a wheelchair when I go out. Who on earth will take me on lol
    The secret is . . . there is no secret. I treat everyone the same whatever their status. If a person has a problem with my disability it's there problem not mine. I have the ability to make strangers consider me a close friend in a short time as I actively take an interest in them.

    The main ingredient - just be genuine - be yourself. Pinklover - there's someone out there holding your name. You just need a leap of faith and do something new and great strangers with a smile.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Lighttouch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AmyS View Post
    I don't see it is as lacking confidence, just the practicality of actually meeting someone i.e. distance, the time to build a friendship and trust.

    I'm happy at the moment, maybe I'll join a dating site in the future. It would have to be something like that I rarely go out to socialise.
    All you need to do is believe in yourself. There is nothing you can't do. Join a dating site - don't be a wall flower. If after a handful of messages you feel you get on then arrange to meet for a coffee one Sunday lunchtime. Don't apologise for being disabled as that is part of who you are.

    Be disabled but proud. You will be seen as a strong woman and therefore attractive - it's not all about looks it's about your persona.

    Never embellish the truth - just say it how it is. Your confidence will grow and you will flourish like a blossoming rose.

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