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Thread: Im wrong but im a victim :(((((((((

  1. #1
    naw14gab
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    Im wrong but im a victim :(((((((((

    I need legal help and advice pleeeeease.
    Last week night time i drove all the way to my boyfriend house who been with me for 15yrs. A week before we both got upset over an issue and didnt talk to each others thats wby i went to him to talk again. I been to his place always and i do sleep there so im familiar with his house, son, dog. When i went there i called him from my car saying that im out cause he was upset. He came out but talked to me from behind the fence.... then when argument started he left me out and went inside his house. I started to call him not to leave me out side. At that time and for my bad luck ....2 black guys were walking from far towards me with big dogs ...i got scared and panic made me without thinking jump iver his fence as i know the place and to feel safer. Then i knocked the door he opened it again and we started light blame and argument .... this is when his son came down from his room and came a cross and standed infront of me putting his face against and closed to my face like if i was a man started to shout and talk rude to be ....whike i i tried hard to ignore him but his face was touching my nose. Then when i kept ignoring him he squeezed my mouth with his hand cause light bleed of my gum. When i started cry he got panic and all this whike my boyfriend was quite and watching us. His son took control of everything then he asked me to come inside so we talk inside better cause we all started to be angry with loud voice. I trusted him went inside cause i been there before never feel scared....then we started to argue again....sudenly his son pulled my left arm very strongly and badley pulled me all the way to the door again to kick me out when my boyfriend shouted at home no stop.... my boyfriend then pulled me back again badley pushed me into the sofa.... and i felt very weak cause im aurthrities with lower bk tear and asthma.... i had no strength cause of shout , argument and cry..... then again sudeky i felt a strong bunch on my faceand then my nose then couples on my head..... i didnt feel my self but felt blood comen down from my nose..... no way this is my boyfriend over 60 of age do that to me never ever this kind polite man do that....but his son kept shouting at his dad and drove him mad. We i got my strength a bit i stood up and ran to the toiket to see what happened my nose was bleeding and i was wet from passing urin on my self due to bowel weakness too. I started to sware at them and cry....his son took my phone from me when i was pushed into the sofa ...my phone disapeared for 30 mints i think to prevent me seeking help and and call police....instead he called them from his phone....they came and 2 of them started interviweing them and other 2 were standing on the toiket door while i was in like if i was a criminal......i was out of breath....cause of asthma....very very dry mouth ....in tears and blood. Felt very bad no one supported me.....his son told police i forced the fence gate to come inside to fight !!!!!!!!!! How could i get into the house unless someone open this strong huge wooden secured door !!!!!!!!! Police told me its my fault i shouldnt run after a man !!!!!!!!!!!! 15 yrs together.... just had argument and i came to blame !!!!!!!!!! They ignored the matter that i was physically assulted !!!!!!!!!!! Instead they left me crying in the toilet and started to play with tbeire dog and chat and lough with them !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Very unfair........ police aked me to simply leave not to come or cintact my boyfriend !!!!!!!!! My boyfriend was controled by his son for first time .........i left with tears, pains, head and nose injuiry........heart broken ....shock.....shaking......fear.....bad thoughts....... asking where is my right ?????? Do they have the right to beat me up anx take phone from me ?????????? Its more than a week and i started to experiance panic attacks whike sleeping i feel im pushed by someone.....in tears....back pain got extrem bad spreadinv pains on my legs i cant walk properly for more than couple steps...i cant sit ir stand now......have bruse of my left arm..... police asked me to make an akegation but i refused to do it against my boyfriend cause of his age and health and because i have baby ..poluce threatened me to be arreasted with them if i make allegation !!!!! I still feel angry i want to make allegation against his son cause of his bad interfere between us made things go wrong between us and theft of my phone and assaulted me . Please help im lost ..,i dont sleep from thinking .......plsssssss help.

  2. #2
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    I don't think the criminal law can resolve this.


    There was no theft, as one element of that offence is an intention to permanently deprive. As the phone was given back, the implication is that this intention did not exist at the point the phone was taken.


    There may well be some assault offences bound up within this narrative, but it's going to be almost impossible to prove anything, as you have a scenario where all involved were upset and will have a different recollection of what happened.

    The police really had little alternative to arresting you all if you had pressed the matter, as there would undoubtedly have been allegations against you from the son and the police cannot take sides. For a conviction, the case would have to be proved beyond reasonable doubt, which seems unlikely in these circumstances. As you admit to jumping over the fence, which is arguably an act of trespass and could have caused some of your injuries, the situation is rather unclear and there is the possibility of self defence being raised. The passage of time now means any evidence of your injuries has faded.


    Even if you had persisted in a criminal complaint, a prosecution would only be brought if the Crown Prosecution Service believed there was a reasonable protect of conviction and it was in the public interest to proceed. What you have here is a domestic situation where the stories are likely to contradict each other and it's doubtful there is any value in the law intervening now, as you seemingly do not live with this man and his son. Once you were out of the situation, your safety is unlikely to be threatened further if you stay away, so the criminal law can do nothing to uphold your ongoing interest and therefore arguably the public interest. Conversely, any action against the son will only inflame the situation further. The public interest may well be best served by letting the matter rest.


    Please don't misunderstand me. Violence, and even making someone fear violence, is wrong no matter what the context. I know how damaging this sort of thing can be. What I'm doubting is what good the criminal law can do now.

    Reading what you wrote, the argument you had worth your boyfriend before the events of this fateful night almost certainly set the context for the remainder of the events. I don't see how making a criminal complaint against this man's son will resolve that argument and the hurt on both sides - you would be dividing his loyalties further and maybe forcing him to make a choice which could easily result in the outcome you don't want. Come what may, this man and his son are bound by ties of blood, and you would be asking him to make a very difficult decision to back you at the expense of his relationship with his son. Whatever the son's role in all this, you blaming the son cannot resolve it all.


    Things cannot just go back to how they were. The argument that you do not detail clearly had not blown over on the night in question. The only way to resolve an argument and move forwards is for both sides to compromise - it's very unlikely you'll reach an understanding that one party was wholly wrong and the other wholly right. As the situation is so inflamed, seeking any sort of consensus to move forward will have to be done carefully and at a distance. Putting this man on the spot will likely be unhelpful, so that suggests you can only tech out by writing humbly and carefully.

    It may be that you eventually have to agree to some form of relationship counselling to find a firm basis to move forwards.

    You also need to face the reality that there might be no way back, as the hurt might have grown to the point where the relationship is over.


    It's up to you and to him. Unless you are both prepared to address everything that led up to this awful night and are both prepared to give it another go, it's over. Relationships only work when both parties are prepared to invest in them and try to understand things from the other's perspective.

    Whilst you may well have been a victim of some elements of what happened, the blame for the totality of what happened does not lie elsewhere. Though it's understandable why you did it, the reality is that you jumped over the fence rather than leaving when it seems fairly clear your presence was not welcome.

    If you want to try to find consensus sufficient to move forward, the first step is to admit to yourself that your relationship with this man is in severe difficulties at present. You defend him and blame his son for what happened, but I doubt the reality is that simple. You admit to an argument before all this, and even if that was to do with his son, you need to acknowledge that, come what may, they will always father and son. He has two relationships to consider - with his son and with you.


    I would encourage you to get help and support before doing anything further. It may well be in your interests to speak to a relationship counselling service such as Relate, also Victim Support may be able to help.

    I wish you well.

  3. #3
    naw14gab
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    Thank you for your reply. All what i can say is that im hurt and his son is happy for what he did.... i might have done a mistake when i went to him to argue but didnt mean fighting.... police made me do harrasment form on the top to not to contact my boyfriend presuming that im the criminal one. Im so much hurt and in pain. Also im physically exleriancing bad pains in my back due to the hard pulling by his son...i dont walk or sleep or stand properly now....i get dizzy spells now....maybe because of hitting on my head.

  4. #4
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    If you are suffering ongoing physical symptoms, please get medical help as a matter of urgency. Nobody on an online forum can rule out rare but potentially serious complications of a head injury.

  5. #5
    naw14gab
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    hello again,
    this post is linked to the previous one that I have posted and got some reply on. today i was contacted by the social worker and child protection team and had interview with them ..we went through the incident details and they said they will seek more info and will come bk to me about the action ....... my heart will come out from my chest cause am so scared what will happen to my child and whyyyyy...... she and her father are out if this story completely and they don't know or noticed even .... my child is happy in her nursery and with GP ...no one had any worries about my child ...... what will happen ????????
    i told them that there is no danger on my child at all cause the person who i had the incident with is over 70 of age has grand children too and ill him self ..and we know each other and each other families for 15 yrs. ....no way he would cause me any harm or come to me. but once a case is opened like that you are in it and things might stick to you by force and you cant do nothing about it . pls advise me plssssss am so scared.

  6. #6
    Senior Member sea queen's Avatar
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    Hello Naw I'm not too sure who this 70 year old person is or what the incident was but if your child visits you at your home and it is thought this person may also come to your home and can in any way harm your child then unfortunately steps would be taken to protect your child.
    Sea Queen

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by sea queen View Post
    Hello Naw I'm not too sure who this 70 year old person is or what the incident was but if your child visits you at your home and it is thought this person may also come to your home and can in any way harm your child then unfortunately steps would be taken to protect your child.
    Sea queen I think the 70 year old is the OPs partner or ex partner of 15 years who now lives separately.

    I remember the OP previously stating in a separate thread she couldn't cope with some of the behaviour of her 2 year old, and felt she needed some respite of some sort. This could be the perfect opportunity for the OP to discuss what help with parenting skills and/or what support is available to her from social services so would suggest the OP makes good use of this opportunity. I believe , but could be misinformed their process is to provide help to keep a child with the parent, unless there is a risk to the child.

    Perhaps with your experience in this area, you could advise her further with what sort of help might be available.

  8. #8
    Senior Member sea queen's Avatar
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    SFUp that's where I am confused, as unless I have read this wrongly it says her ex partners 'son'? If he is 70 - how old is the son who confronted her?

    Maybe it's me ?
    Sea Queen

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by sea queen View Post
    SFUp that's where I am confused, as unless I have read this wrongly it says her ex partners 'son'? If he is 70 - how old is the son who confronted her?

    Maybe it's me ?
    No think I've misread this tbh, I thought the son had incited the Dad to violence. Bit confused myself now. Also wondered who was looking after the child when all this happened as it could make a huge difference to the situation.

  10. #10
    Senior Member beau's Avatar
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    Forgive me but it appears that there is more to this than what is being stated and the OP can't state more because of confidentiality. It is the sort of situation that cannot be advised upon on a forum.
    The OP need to seek legal help with someone who is trained in that area of the law.

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