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Thread: Really not sure what to do...

  1. #1
    Senior Member flowerangelx's Avatar
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    Really not sure what to do...

    Basically, I live with my parents.

    There has always been tension between me and my dad(since I was a teenager, he has not been very tolerant of my mental health) and I feel it's all coming to a head...we had a very nasty spat on Monday evening, which very nearly involved me leaving and the police being called. We had cross words with each other, and it ended with me being pushed over in the landing. He knew I wouldn't be able to get up again without help, and he was just going to leave me there all night.

    I have been told that if I leave, i'd be making myself intentionally homeless, so I would receive no help. A couple of incidents have been reported to the police previously but no charges or arrests were made. I was explaining to mum that I feel mentally and emotionally abused by dad. She did not disagree. She thinks I need to seek advice from somewhere neutral, but I have no idea where.

    My boyfriend is moving into a privately rented flat 6 months after he's started his job - he wants to make sure he likes the job and has settled etc...if I move in with him, i'll lose my income related ESA, so i'd be living on my PIP allowance.

    If I were to move in by myself, I would only be entitled to housing benefit of the shared accommodation rate, but I can not live with people I don't know. I wouldn't mentally cope.

    I really don't know where to turn...I just feel like if I stay here much longer, it's going to end badly. Either me or dad will end up in prison, or I'll end up in hospital. I've got to the point where mum is hiding knives and sharp things from me

  2. #2
    Senior Member susieboots's Avatar
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    Hi flowerangel. I haven't been on the forum for some time, I saw this post and really feel for you. Are you sure you would only be entitled to housing benefit at the shared accommodation rate. Surely everyone is entitled to a home? I rent a 2 bedroom bungalow (private) and receive housing benefit, paying the full rent, together with Council Tax. I don't know where you stand so can't advise, however, do please phone your local Council Wellbeing Service or Adult Social Services, who can actually assist. I think it would be best for you to live alone, and you can consider living with your boyfriend at a later date, if that's what you want. It is definitely not good for you to be living under your father's roof. All the very best, Susie

  3. #3
    Senior Member flowerangelx's Avatar
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    I'm under 35 and have been told by both framework and the local housing authority that is all i'd be entitled to if I were to go private. I also wouldn't be seen as a priority so would not be in a very high band for the council/HA waiting lists...I can't win. The waiting list is around 4 years for a one bedroomed flat.

    I'm really not good at getting in contact with people..I stutter and then panic

  4. #4
    Senior Member susieboots's Avatar
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    I truly understand you would have difficulty in communicating, but if you could perhaps get a friend to go with you, I would urge you to visit the Council or CAB to get the ball rolling. I am not convinced your support network are doing all they can to help you.

  5. #5
    Senior Member flowerangelx's Avatar
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    My friends are very thin on the ground at the moment and don't really understand my issues..I truly feel stuck

    Mum has said she'll try and help..I'm even considering saving up a deposit for a one bedroom flat with my first couple of PIP payments and then worrying about it..I don't know..

    Thanks for your help

  6. #6
    Senior Member deebee's Avatar
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    I don,t know if you mistyped or were misinformed, but it,s 25 not 35 for housing benefit
    Are you 25 yet Flowerangels?(hope you don,t mind me asking)
    Also,do you have a mental health support worker ?
    If you do, they would be able to accompany you to the council .
    I wonder if you migght qualify for assisted housing?supported living?,forgotten the correct term

  7. #7
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    I'm sorry to hear things are so difficult, flower.


    If you live alone, your PIP Daily Living component award will entitle you to the Severe Disability Premium on your Income Related ESA. It should also entitle you to the Severe Disability Premium on Housing Benefit.

    Housing Benefit is not my specialist area, but I believe the SDP exempts you from the Shared Room Rate reduction even though you are under 25 (the guidance I'm looking at seems fairly clear the SDP exempts those aged 25-34, but is not entirely clear that this exemption applies to the under 25s).

    Even if you are entitled to SDP on both ESA(IR) and HB, as well as being exempt from the SRR reduction, it will still not be easy to find accommodation, as there is a lot of competition for one bedroom flats, the Local Housing Allowance rules mean the rents on many flats will be unaffordable and many landlords don't accept people on benefits.


    Whether you would be unintentionally homeless or not if you were forced to leave your current home is not entirely clear - the rules on homelessness are pretty complex.


    Can I suggest coming at this from some other directions.

    If you leave home you're going to need a lot of support, and it sounds as if you could do with some support if you remain at home. This falls under adult social services and, to some extent, the mental health team looking after you. I know talking to a social worker is unlikely to be easy, but maybe your mum or the mental health team could help you with that process. You need a clear idea of what your options are and what support might be available.

    The other angle that suggests itself is that councils have a statutory obligation towards supporting those who are at risk of homelessness. It might be worth talking to your council's homelessness team, not least because they are in a better place to help if you are forced to leave your current home and they already know something of your case than if they get an emergency referral because you are already homeless and they know nothing about you.


    The homelessness system is pretty heavily burdened at the moment, and I hope you can avoid it, as you may well have to spend a long time in temporary accommodation if you did finish up homeless unless you can somehow find a way into the private rented sector. If you are to leave home, a managed approach is better than homelessness.


    You are not without people who care - I send my love and, if it helps any, offer a hug.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by deebee View Post
    I don,t know if you mistyped or were misinformed, but it,s 25 not 35 for housing benefit
    In 2012, the Shared Room Rate reduction was changed to apply up to the age of 35.

  9. #9
    Senior Member flowerangelx's Avatar
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    I am not receiving help from a mental health team..I was told two years ago that they couldn't help me...before I injured my knee, I was in the process of being helped.by framework, which was put on hold due to my knee injury and the fact that I was housebound so unable to go to the housing office and so on...

    I have spoken to my boyfriend and he has said that I would be able to move in with him (by then, he will be earning enough for us both to live comfortably..) but I still would lose my ESA.

    I can't really live alone...I wouldn't cope. I need prompting to shower, change, get out of bed etc..I can't cook because of my fear of using the oven - I'm petrified of being burnt. It's an irrational fear.

    To clarify, I'm 26. 27 in November.

  10. #10
    Senior Member susieboots's Avatar
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    As always, good, sound advice from Flymo. We are lucky to have your expertise. You are in my thoughts Flower, best regards, Susie

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