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Thread: My disabilities cost me my relationship! Has anyone else had the same thing happen?

  1. #1

    Thumbs down My disabilities cost me my relationship! Has anyone else had the same thing happen?

    I hate my disabiltys M.E, Fibro, Epilepsy and issues from a stroke I have a few months ago and now I feel it's not only cost me my health but my relationship with the love of my life!! He is my carer as well as partner and friend but today he announced he can't cope any more and doesn't want a life caring for me!

    I guess I understand as it can't be easy for him but it's not like this is a choice, I don't want this either and inside I am still me.
    Aparantly he has been planing it for months organising it with his family but waiting for the right time (I had wondered why his parents had distanced them selfs from me and even asked my partner if I had upset them... Guess I know why now)
    It's come as a total shock to me as despite my illness I still felt things where good, we are affectionate although not often in a sexual way and general happy...Well at least that's what I thought till today when he just dropped it on me.
    He said he feels like he can't have the life he wants and he can't see me ever getting better!
    I also have fairly bad epilepsy and despite being on long term medication still suffer seizures especially under stress and I am worried all this will make me ill.
    I am often bed ridden due to the M.E and find even simple tasks impossible at times and have no idea how I will cope without him both practicaly and emotionally.*

    To make things worse my daughter of 13 suffers from juvenile arthritis so she is often unwell herself so she can't really help me.*
    I get high rate mobility and middle rate care as well as having a mobilty car that i can't drive due to my epilepsy and other issues.
    Well At least he can walk away from it but I am stuck with these illnesses and trapped in a body that's useless!!*

    One of the hardest things in life is still loving someone who no longer loves you because of something you have no control over.*
    He truth is I still love him as I can't just turn it off but I am so sad its come to this.
    Sorry to rant and post on here but i don't feel ready to talk to friends and family, I just needed to tell someone.*
    Feel like my world is ending especially as it's over an illness I have no control on over! :-(

  2. #2
    Senior Member
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    I won't go into details, but after having an accident at work I lost my wife, daughter, my house and my occupation and then as I was down I was kicked in the teeth my my company and said I was not entitled to any compensation, life is a bitch at times.

  3. #3
    It sure is hun... I just get the feeling of total rejection and worthlessness right now, like I am defective and he wants a perfect women.
    I kinda understand as just 4 years ago I was a chef with my own cafe/bar working long hours, fit healthy ect and now I can't even go shopping!
    I guess that's the women he met and wanted me to still be!
    I wish I could be that person again I really do and inside I am that person but that's not enough for him.
    The ironic thing is I was my mothers carer for many years until she passed away but maybe it's easier when it's your blood...
    Like you said life sucks sometimes I guess I just need to find a way to deal with it one day at a time x

  4. #4
    Senior Member acheron's Avatar
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    Hi Louise so sorry for you please don't feel worthless and if you're ex is looking for a perfect woman he'll have a job on theres no such thing

    illness takes so much from you you gotta stay strong for your daughter and yes one day at a time

    hope when you've grieved you can concentrate on you and your daughter and hope things start looking up for you xx

  5. #5
    Senior Member deebee's Avatar
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    my illness cost me a 15 year relationship, and at the time I was devastated. Three years on I have a wonderful new relationship and have never been happier.
    Rant all you like, you need to get it out your system.
    Sending you a hug x

  6. #6
    Thank you so much, I know your right. One day at a time ay. I am looking into sorting out practical things like my mobility car that I can't drive and without him is useless. I know with time things will get better its just today it feels like the end of the world. Just talking about it is helpful so I am glad I found this forum. Xx

  7. #7
    Thanks it's made me feel like no one will ever want me like this... I spend a lot of time in bed on bad days and seizures are not a pleasant experience for someone. If I am honest it seems a lot for anyone to take on.
    I guess time is a healer and for now I will just concentrate on keeping as well as I can and my daughter. My brother wants me to move to Essex where all my family our living as where I am now I only have one disabled Auntie who I never see.
    I guess I have a lot to think about xx

  8. #8
    Senior Member flowerangelx's Avatar
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    I am so sorry to read this..He obviously wasn't worthy of you.

    On the plus side..you WILL find somebody who can accept you just the way you are. Sending massive hugs your way!

  9. #9
    Senior Member
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    Hi Louise, sorry to meet under such horrible circumstances. I havent had my partner leave but i have had him scream at me that this is not what he wanted etc., he's 8 years younger than me and even I feel he's getting a raw deal!! But however much we understand their point of view, and though I havent experienced your loss, I also understand how this is making you feel, it doesnt make it any better, you know this isnt about you this is about your illness.

    I also think its about machismo. they dont like to be thought of as the man who could only get a broken one!!

    I'm with everyone who sends you hugs, do speak to someone like relate if you can just to make sure you keep in balance with life and good luck!

  10. #10
    Thanks everyone, at the moment I just feel numb I've been physically sick several times since he told me and keep have anxiety attacks. In the last 3 years I've lost health and mobility, both my parents 8 weeks apart (They where only in their 50's) and now my partner/bestfriend/Carer. I still have my wonderful daughter and hold onto that but still feel so hurt and sad.
    I know with time it will get better but at the moment it doesn't feel like that. Xx

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