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Thread: pen pals

  1. #1
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    pen pals

    Like a number of you on this site I was on the original youreable site and made a few pals that I'm still in contact with. I've recently found another free penpal site and thought ok especially when got quite a few replies, but can anyone tell me why as soon as you refuse to send a pic, or give your phone number or make it clear you're not interested (if its a man) that you never hear off them again??

    Any one got any bad penpal stories to share??

  2. #2
    Senior Member Lighttouch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by freedomeagle View Post
    Like a number of you on this site I was on the original youreable site and made a few pals that I'm still in contact with. I've recently found another free penpal site and thought ok especially when got quite a few replies, but can anyone tell me why as soon as you refuse to send a pic, or give your phone number or make it clear you're not interested (if its a man) that you never hear off them again??

    Any one got any bad penpal stories to share??
    I guess ost people have a desire to engage with others. Perhaps you seek just a penal relationship but people who you were in touch with wanted to put a face to the penned letter. When you refused they probably thought you were wasting their time.

    These sort of threads are really 'one way communication' as there's no instant dialogue.

    If a man reads your posts and finds them interesting consider it a compliment.

    Most people who use social media to communicate have social phobias. It's easier for disabled people to express themselves in words than in person. Otherwise you'd be down at a dance/party meeting real people not cyber people.The best thing to do is tell the truth from the beginning so people don't guid their own picture of what you look like - you're just afraid that the way you look, talk won't live up to their expectations in my opinion.
    Your plan of action is to go out tomorrow and talk to a complete stranger in person - do it for me.

    Good luck.

    Happy Sunday.

  3. #3
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    I've no bad stories my self, I have heard of a few, when pressure is put on somebody to make contact, people have a view of what you look like through your writing even on here I get sort of a picture of what I think people may look like. Then people who are lonely may think your something different then you really are, that's why many pen pal sites warn you of going that one step further until your really sure. Many pen pal sites are used by people to meet up like a lonely hearts club so people ask for pictures, you can always pick a picture off the internet millions of them about, but I would never ever send them a phone number of a land line, does not take long from a land line number to an address.

    If your just wanting people to chat to, make it known that all your interested in, then most of the people who are looking for contact and maybe a relationship will not bother.

  4. #4
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    I've never done penpals what's it all about?
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  5. #5
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    Firstly light touch i don't have a problem with a man or woman finding my posts interesting and i don't think if they do that it is or isn't a compliment. I have always been honest from the beginning with anyone whose contacted me unlike the men who contact me, if a person requests only penpal on their advert then i don't see what someone looks like as to do with it to be honest since you only want to get to know what someone is like on the inside a pic wont tell you that, if i was looking for penpals with a view to more then obviously at some point photos would be exchanged, however as a disabled female when an able bodied male keeps asking for a pic and making references to what aids i use then i do have an issue with that. Not all people who use social media have social problems for some of us we just aren't able to go places to meet people because of our health. I do know disabled people who do go to clubs and are in a position to meet people most to be fair are a lot younger than me and when i was in my 20s disabled people weren't allowed into clubs and in those days it wasn't illegal not to allow entrance. I have a male penpal that i've been writing to for about 7yrs and he as no idea what i look like nor i him about from what's come out in our emails, we both only wanted friendship from the start and through that we could discuss things that we wouldn't have with people we know in person.
    I wish you luck too and hope you have a happy sunday too.

  6. #6
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    Dating sites should be for dating and penpal sites are supposed to be for people who only want to be in contact through emails and sometimes for some through msn. I think the problem is that because most dating sites cost to go on them even disabled ones people are using penpal sites to try and meet someone. I have made 3 longterm friendships from penpal sites 2 i ended up actually meeting with and we meet up once or twice a year now which is nice and text a few times a week instead of emailing so much. So when you do make a friend connection it is nice.
    I wouldn't use a picture of someone else off the internet as suggested I don't like lies and that would be one. My main problem is that, which will sound mad but i don't look as bad as i am, in a normal pic you can't see my scars, best example when i go to see a consultant for the first time and they have all my xrays and reports in front of them then i go in they look around me for someone else as i am not what they expect then i get undressed for the examination and they change their attitude then. Think the best was about 10years ago i went for a dss medical the woman was off with me when i went in filling in the paperwork then asked me to get undressed, remember this was an actual doctor she told me she was a gp but had worked in hospitals, i got undressed and she said god then looked mortified that she'd said it and said sorry it's just i read what you put on the form etc but you don't look like you have more wrong than a limp now i can see the scars and the deformities i was just a bit shocked i'm so sorry for my reaction, i said i'm used to it and we got on with the tests, she actually even wrote about my scars and their lengths on her report. So for me it's more a case people get an idea from my pic which isn't real i suppose it's opposite to most and it's why i'm touchy about it.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by freedomeagle View Post
    Dating sites should be for dating and penpal sites are supposed to be for people who only want to be in contact through emails and sometimes for some through msn.
    Exactly, the clue is in the word "pen", pictures are irrelevant.
    I don't think it's any big secret that sadly with the internet today,there are an awfull lot of lecherous people,as well as very lonely and desperate people on many sites. They specificaly target certain sights for " easy pickings". They often disguise it as harmless flirting and genuine caring.

  8. #8
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    I agree with wobble1, and with you too Free cos you know this is true. Has someone got past your firewall and were you begining to like them cos it sounds as if maybe youre hoping you are wrong but in your heart of hearts you know what hes asking is wrong. Whatever our disabilities we know there are certain elements out there who want to experiment sexually they just dont want to pay for the privilage!

  9. #9
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    You'd be amazed the places they turn up, heck I've shuddered at some comments on this site.
    Look, you can never be to careful, if they are genuine then time will tell, so the secret is, don't be in a hurry.

  10. #10
    Senior Member acheron's Avatar
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    Hi Freeomeagle if your not comfortable sending your picture then don't and if the people you are talking to are genuine and just want a friend they will be fine with that if not their loss not yours xx

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