Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 22

Thread: Being patronised for looking disabled? Survival advice wanted!

  1. #1
    Blue-badger
    Guest

    Being patronised for looking disabled? Survival advice wanted!

    I was actually kissed on the head the other day!!! Grrrrrrrrrr! it made me mad.
    It was by someone I know but don't know them well, even worse it was in public. So embarrassing.
    I thought being patted on the wheelchair or the head was bad enough!
    Ok I admit I am severely disabled but it makes me mad that people think they can patronise you like this!

    How about you? Please share your experiences, I'd love to get some survival tips so I can be prepared better for next time!

    I love a good laugh so humour welcome.

    Thanks in advance

    BB :-)

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Peterborough
    Posts
    439
    Lol. I love it. I As a 43 yr old guy, I get into trouble for calling women 'my dear' and 'my love'. Yet I mean it in an endearing way. Sometimes a pat on the head is nice, like saying "there there my dear". OMG - I know!

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Kent
    Posts
    396
    Mmmm never experienced that myself. Had plenty of experiences where people, usefully sales people of some kind, speak to my wife rather than my.

    I did have one experience, I was in a bar with my best friend, who happens to be female, my some bloke came over saying how nice it was that I get out etc. All a bit patronising. He told my friend how nice it was she helped me get out. I asked him to keep the noise down as my wife was at home and my friend was actually my mistress!!!

    He just left

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    warwickshire
    Posts
    781
    Hi Blue badge are you sure they were being funny and not just being nice? You say your severely disabled but you could do with survival tips so I'm wondering if you wasn't born disabled? Only reason i ask is because i was born disabled and as such i started getting a very thick shell within 1 day of starting school. I mainly ignore people who stare at me or when young kids say anything, I guess if i had to pick just 1 of the most insulting moments was when i was at school at the end of 3rd year i came 4th in math in whole school and 6th in English in whole school so i thought that after summer hols going into 4th year I'd be in top group for them both was really excited, 1st day back found out was in group 3 for them both teachers didn't understand why took me 3weeks to see the dupty head and when i did and asked why he said well it's not like you'll ever get a job so have to give children who aren't as bright as you, but will get jobs a chance instead when i pointed out that i already knew all the stuff i was now being taught he said oh well you wont need to worry about catching up when you lose time to go for your hospital appointments then. It was the 80s so nothing i could do about it.
    I would imagine most of us on this site have experienced bullying or being belittled at some point.

  5. #5
    Blue-badger
    Guest
    Hi Vantage,
    I hate it when people say things like "it must be nice for you to be out" they assume that the person I'm with is obviously doing a nice thing by taking me out for the day!
    I went somewhere recently and someone said "we've never had someone as disabled as you here before.."
    I had once "TV must be important to her" when I heard my neighbours talking about my installation of a satellite dish!

    Hello freedomeagle, no you guessed right I was not born disabled. I have been in a wheelchair for 11 years. I've taken a recent knock with my confidence so that is why Im looking for survival tips! Thanks for your message - what a time you had at school! You must be rather clever.. And then to hear that... What a knock back! I hope things are better for children these days..

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    Staffordshire
    Posts
    955
    Being disabled is a double edged sword. On one side we are patronized, on the other we are ignored. There is rarely a happy medium. I think the ignorance of others is awful. I have had people let doors shut on me when out shopping, people barging past me to get in and out of shops. A prime example is someone holding a door open for my partner to push me through in my wheelchair, and someone just barging through thinking the door is being held open for them. I too have had the experience of people talking over my head to my partner like I am unable to communicate because I am in a wheelchair. Some p eople adopt the "its like talking to a small child" or the " I will speak very slowly so you can understand" attitude. I think some of it is that people have no manners, towards anyone not just the disabled, some people are uncomfortable with the disabled and do not know how to behave around them and others think we just need to be pitied.
    What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

  7. #7
    Blue-badger
    Guest
    Hello babyblu64,
    I can totally relate to all your examples, I agree the general public are hugely unaware of how to treat disabled people and this often shows. I often feel the older generation can be the least accepting at times.

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    Staffordshire
    Posts
    955
    I agree Blue-badger, in my experience it is nearly always the elderly that cause me problems. Parking in disabled spaces, sitting in disabled seats on public transport etc. I once had an elderly gentleman push in front of me whilst in a queue. The assistant said to him, "I think that lady was next", to which he replied, "I'm sure she won't mind waiting another minute, at least she is sitting down"!!!!! I don't know if he was trying to make a joke or just being ignorant, but to avoid causing a scene, I let it pass. Nowadays, I am a bit more outspoken about things and would say something, not to be confrontational, but to let someone know if they have been thoughtless or ignorant. . I was brought up to be polite, show respect and use manners. I taught my kids the same, regardless of age, race, gender or ability/disability, after all, manners cost nothing.
    What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

  9. #9
    Account removed
    Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Blue-badger View Post
    I was actually kissed on the head the other day!!! Grrrrrrrrrr! it made me mad.
    It was by someone I know but don't know them well, even worse it was in public. So embarrassing.
    I thought being patted on the wheelchair or the head was bad enough!
    Ok I admit I am severely disabled but it makes me mad that people think they can patronise you like this!

    How about you? Please share your experiences, I'd love to get some survival tips so I can be prepared better for next time!

    I love a good laugh so humour welcome.

    Thanks in advance

    BB :-)

    I totally agree with you I hate it when people ask my wife is he better now, my wife says ask him he's not deaf or blind and he speaks, they then tap you on the head as if they are tapping you to start you up.

    How are you love are you better, no I'm not, oh dear never mind hope you get better soon and they walk off.

    The other one is the person who moves your wheelchair out of the way, the times I've been looking for something in a shop will be maybe reading the back of something and somebody comes along and pushed you out of the way, you say to them what are you doing and they say oh well your in my way.

    Then you have the person who will move in front of you when your waiting to pay for something and you say excuse me the line is behind me and they look at you like dirt, and just ignore you.

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Kent
    Posts
    396
    Hi Blue-badger, yes they are obviously just doing you a favour. Lol

    The one I hate the most....oh so do you still work, part-time is it. I get this from my wheelchair service company, they ring up just state we'll be round tomorrow, thats ok isn't it. When I say no its as if I'm being difficult!

Similar Threads

  1. 'Trainee' disabled newby seeking advice from 'well practiced' disabled scooter users
    By Oomiebumbum in forum Ask a question about equipment
    Replies: 202
    Last Post: 16-02-15, 20:26
  2. Garden advice from a disabled gardener to others
    By Nikijrp in forum Gardening
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 01-05-13, 17:12
  3. Garden advice from a disabled gardener to others
    By Nikijrp in forum News and general discussion
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 03-04-12, 18:29
  4. Advice on disabled cruising
    By basil brush in forum Travel - help & advice on holidays and accessible travel for disabled people
    Replies: 55
    Last Post: 17-03-12, 15:14

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •