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Thread: Newbie Question...slightly embarrassing DLA question (Adult Toilet Needs)

  1. #1

    Newbie Question...slightly embarrassing DLA question (Adult Toilet Needs)

    Such a relief to find this forum, after years of my dear hubby supporting me, it's time to pay back his love by me helping him.

    It's quite embarrassing, both of us are not far off our 60's but this problem has been growing for the last 2 to 3 years.

    Basically hubby started having erectile problems ( won't go into too much info) and I thought it was because he stopped loving me that we no longer had "intimate times". He seemed to be getting more and more depressed as well as agressive. I think its fair to say I nagged him to try and get to the bottom of the problem because I still love him.

    Transpires the reason for no intimacy was down to a worsening problem with his foreskin and being the "strong manly type" or typical male ! as I would say , he ignored the problem.

    He eventually went to the doctor about 6 months ago and was prescribed anti depressants etc...shortly after I convinced him to tell the doctor the full extent of his physical problems. As a result, he was referred to a urologist for a circumcision. The circumcision was eventually performed but this has now led to an even more serious problem.

    Seems now he has ended up with a "buried penis". This has totally knocked him for six, he feels he has now lost whatever manliness he had left. He is totally depressed and dare I say even suicidal, he doesn't want to go near his GP any more either.

    With him being obese this is now causing serious problems with his toilet needs, with the overhang of his tummy he cannot urinate properly etc, he feels as though he is mutilated and worthless. If I didn't help him he would probably literally just urinate in his pants.

    I hate to admit but I am even embarrassed to go out with him in case he does, because he can no longer bear to touch his genitals I have to do it for him and help him. This means we cannot use public toilets if we are out.

    He basically needs 24hr round the clock help with toilet needs and I am starting to get depressed myself, added to by my lack of sleep as I have to rise through the night with him.

    We are both retired and living on his pension alone, because of this I can't claim jobseekers or any benefits at all so I'm wondering can we get help with DLA?

    I know this has been long winded but thank you for taking the time to read this.

  2. #2
    Senior Member
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    Sorry to hear about your husbands problems and the stress it's putting on you too, i really think he needs to go back to the gp incase this is a problem from his surgery and shouldn't be happening, even if it isn't from the surgery maybe they can fit him with a bag which will help. I hope it can be sorted. As for benefits i am unsure why you don't have a pension of your own if you're retired too. I don't think people over pension age can apply for dla try this site mite help http://www.gov.uk/dla-disability-liv...nefit/overview
    good luck with it all

  3. #3
    thanks for the reply , sorry, by pension I mean he was retired from work on ill health grounds, he's 57 I also left work in similar circumstances, I'm 59 and my work pension is only about £15 per month anyway.

  4. #4
    Senior Member mikeydt1's Avatar
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    might not sound good but you may both need to think about catheters as an option.

  5. #5
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    As said, you need to return to your GP. Because this could be sorted first and most importantly. Also you will have trouble getting DLA without any medical evidence from GP. If your hubby is having trouble going to GP threaten to leave him.

  6. #6
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    Sorry for you both and sorry if my answers sound blunt but all is not lost he needs to sit down when going to toilet yes like a woman then there's no mess, then you need to get him to gp tell problems with erectile dysfunction ask for refereral to hospital there are various ways to help one being a pump or device inserted in penis that inflates as needed, as for the apron (overhang) drastic but if he cant lose wait it can be removed surgicaly its the overhang and excess thats making his bits appear to dissapear the gp and hospital are very understanding discrete and sympathetic in these matters he just needs to man up about it And it will make a difference to both your lives good luck

  7. #7
    thanks to everyone answering so far, sometimes a problem shared etc....

    does anyone think he would be elligible for the care part of DLA? or could I be considered his carer?

    thanks again

  8. #8
    davewhit
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    Quote Originally Posted by dungiving View Post
    thanks to everyone answering so far, sometimes a problem shared etc....

    does anyone think he would be elligible for the care part of DLA? or could I be considered his carer?

    thanks again
    I doubt it as its very easy to fix look at channel four watch again they had a program on in the last 2 weeks 15 minute op to un bury using a simple cut then remove some fat ...... that would help the loo problem and less fat in the area would help too

  9. #9
    Senior Member beau's Avatar
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    You could get a radar key for the disabled toilets so you could go in with him whilst you are out.

  10. #10
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    Does he have any underlying health problems which have caused hime to gain weight?
    I would get an appointment with the doctor for a full checkup including a diabetes screen and possibly a thyroid function test.

    If there isn't anything medically preventing him from losing weight then the GP/Consultants may ask him to try and lose weight (using diet and exercise) first before any operation is considered.

    I wish you both luck.
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