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  1. #1
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    The undateables program

    Hi does anyone else on here watch the undateables program? I watched the first series and this one and I don't know if its me but do the people on this series seem less disabled than on the previous one? And why is it that all the disabled agencies seem to be in london I'm sure this area doesn't have the most disabled people in the uk and the only other one thats mentioned that isn't in london seems to be just for people with learning difficulties. I've decided to email them and ask if they have the same type of agency anywhere else in uk i'll let you know what they say.

  2. #2
    Senior Member sea queen's Avatar
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    I have watched a bit of it once to be honest I find the title 'the undateables' a bit of an insult to people with disabilities. Others may disagree with me but that's fine - just my opinion and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
    Sea Queen

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    I made a complaint to the producers regarding the dating agency's use of the phase 'dating agency for the disabled' instead of for 'people with disabilities'. They responded to say that they have changed the commentary. And the very next episode they had!

    I don't know what you mean by 'less disabled' though?
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    Senior Member Lighttouch's Avatar
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    I prefer the terminology 'disabled people as 'people with disabilities' sounds like you can decide whether to take your 'disabilities with you like with a brolley.

    While we're on the subject of terminology -
    'Impairment' relates to your condition
    'Disabled', from the social model point of view, refers to disabling barriers ie what stops you from taking part in society independently.

    There are also organisations 'for' disabled people eg non-disabled people profiteering out of our issues and
    Organisations that are run and controlled by disabled people who have first hand experience of disabling barriers they face.

    Right, now back on topic - well at least they use real disabled people!!

    http://www.channel4.com/programmes/the-undateables

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    That's a fair point Lighttouch, but each to their own I suppose.

    I would prefer the term impairment rather than disability, but anything on tv that shows 'us' in a good light is good for me.
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  6. #6
    Senior Member Lighttouch's Avatar
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    terminology

    It's a funny thing 'terminology' as most people get it mixed up.

    Let's paint a picture for everyone.

    Dave is a wheelchair user because he is an amputee - that is his impairment. The disability relates to how his 'impairment' impacts on him joining mainstream society. So he looks at the disabling barriers that Society impose upon his daily living.

    So let's assume he goes to work. On getting out of his car into his wheelchair the first 'disabling barrier' he could face is a kerb on the pavement. To remove the 'disabling barrier' he needs a dropped kerb so he can access the pavement independently.

    Other 'disabling barriers include steps up to the entrance. Solution - put a ramp in.
    The entrance door is heavy and opens the wrong way. Solution - put in an automatic opening door which helps everyone.

    He rolls into the lift and needs to get to the eight floor but the buttons are too high. Solution - design lift with buttons sited lower and on the horizontal.

    You see he considers himself to be a disabled person because society hasn't thought about his needs when building the environment. And as people with different impairments all face different disabling barriers we all have something in common - we aren't being included into mainstream society - it's our right to demand equal access to services, transport, housing, information so that's why we prefer to be called 'disabled people' as we are being discriminated against.

    You're more likely to make things happen under the banner of 'a disabled person' than from a specific impaired group.
    It's a bit like having a joint voice under one title to support each other.

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    Ok thanks all though slightly went off topic there lighttouch though you do make some good points, though from my side of things i think things have come a long way since i was born in 1967 when i was born they used the word handicapped not disabled every one can guess which word i prefer out of those choices!! At school in 3rd year around 1981 i came 6th in whole school for maths and 10th for english i thought great I'd go into group 1 from 2 for my 4th year and get what i wanted from education, but when i went back after summer hols i'd been put into group 3 for both after a month i finally got in to see head teacher he said well lets be honest no one will employ you so might as well give chance to those who need more help, i became self taught after that i once missed a month went in in 1hr lesson i was ahead of everyone in class again teacher went and asked for me to be moved either into group 1 or at least back to 2 he was told the same thing. In 1981 i couldn't do anything, a school pulling that now would straight away be pulled up the disabled or impaired child now as rights. Same with jobs and even how treated in hospital i wont bore you with those stories as i'm sure many know what i mean, so there have been many positive changes over the years and to be honest as long as those positive changes keep happening i for 1 am not really bothered by the title they give me.
    Sea queen i get why the name would put you off but they do shoot an arrow threw the un bit so it then says dateables.
    Paul its hard to put it in written words but i guess so called abled bodies would find the people in this series more acceptable on the eye or less likely to stare at than on the last series i hope you get now what i was trying to say when i said less disabled.

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    Quote Originally Posted by freedomeagle View Post
    Hi does anyone else on here watch the undateables program? I watched the first series and this one and I don't know if its me but do the people on this series seem less disabled than on the previous one? And why is it that all the disabled agencies seem to be in london I'm sure this area doesn't have the most disabled people in the uk and the only other one thats mentioned that isn't in london seems to be just for people with learning difficulties. I've decided to email them and ask if they have the same type of agency anywhere else in uk i'll let you know what they say.
    There has always been "more" things in London which seem disproportional. It's the Capital and as such creates opportunities and services especially in specialised services. Some of these would also work outside the Capital it just needs someone to set one up.
    Most dating agencies will accept any one but as with "able bodied" also, finding a match is oh so difficult and complicated.
    Although an agency may "specialise" in a specific client group I'm not sure their success rate is any greater than any other agency.

  9. #9
    Senior Member sea queen's Avatar
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    I suppose what I mean freedom is that I don't consider people with any disability/impairment to be undateable - they can be loved and cherished by a partner just as anyone else can.
    Sea Queen

  10. #10
    Senior Member Lighttouch's Avatar
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    dating experience

    Well as we're talking about dating site experiences I guess I've had some experience of this. The strange thing is if you go on a standard dating site they cover the entire country. You can stipulate that you're only interested in woman within 1o miles but that's limiting things.

    One thing to do is you have a free opportunity to send out a one off 'ice breaker'. Most men will miss this opportunity and write something a bit mundane and boring like ' alright luv, you look gorgeous. fancy a night out you won't forget'.

    As you can imagine they won't get many responses. However, as a disabled person, this is your time to shine and promote your personality and sense of humour.

    I tried this out last year and was inundated with not one or two responses but 4 or 5 hundred! Obviosly it was the wrong message because ideally the best responce should be one - the ideal person.

    I did write back to many off them and went on a number of dates. Strangely enough there was one woman who lived in Harrogate - a 100 miles away who was stunning and able bodied. I wrote back to her thanking her but also saying that she was too fit for me. Her reply made me laugh so much that we met up at a pub half way between our homes. We chatted for three hours and when leaving realised we got on and wanted to meet up again.

    As she had a busy schedule she preferred if we met a second time at my house at weekend as it suits my access needs.

    We really hit it off and she was staying the week end with her own room. But it was so natural we ended up sharing my bed - well let's face it that's more fun.

    We met up regularly and enjoyed each others company and even went abroad to Cyprus for a week.

    Everything went well until the snow came and she didn't like long commutes in the dark so we did split. I think the final flaw was she wanted to join her family for Christmas in Norway as she was a keen skier. Sorry but very cold climes and skiing aren't me. She was very slinky, sexy, feminine , naturally good looking with a foreign accent that sounded like music to my ears.

    Since then I've decided not to use dating sites but make friends with women locally

    So in my experience of dating just enjoy the intimacy while it lasts as sooner or later your impairment will have an impact on any new relationship however confident you are.
    Last edited by Lighttouch; 28-01-13 at 11:01.

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