I'm really stuck. I have severe anxiety, depression and undiagnosed aspergers.

Things have happened in my life with death of family through illnesses and I find myself isolated. I could build a life for myself if I didn't have this anxiety problem, but it's difficult. I can't socialise, struggle to communicate with people properly and the symptoms overpower me, which is kind of why I haven't had any friends in 10 years.

Loneliness and isolation makes things worse mentally with the depression but as explained there is little I can do to change it while I experience the anxiety symptoms.

Going out is a struggle. In fact it can turn out to be dangerous for me. After all these years of symptoms and what it has cost me in life, I can no longer mentally cope or tolerate the symptoms. Experiencing them, especially while isolated and lonely in life causes me significant distress to a point where I harm myself. If I don't harm myself then there's a risk factor of me going into the pub to drink alcohol to try and reduce the symptoms. That in itself is dangerous.


To put some perspective on that these days:

If I had a friend or family member left, they would accompany me (as a family member did when they were alive). When the symptoms get too bad, I can almost turn to them, who I am familiar with, make small talk about the weather or time of day which then can take my mind off the symptoms and get me through.

On my own though, I experience raw symptoms, no way to control it or take my mind off them. Which causes me significant distress, upset, self harm and damaging myself going to the pub, drinking to try and reduce these symptoms.


I have been through meds, CBT, counselling, other therapy (including behavioural therapy) and have had no success whatsoever.


The fact is, I clearly need someone to accompany me, for my own safety and wellbeing. That's been proven. When I was in hospital after self harming I also saw various staff. I saw an Occupational therapist who said I could really benefit from occupational therapy around the home as I am finding it difficult due to the depression to do daily chores and look after myself. I also saw someone with experience of support workers who told me I would benefit by being accompanied by a support worker.


I was referred to see a mental health team, who could put me forward for this help (secondary MH services)..... Nope.... They refused to, claiming I need to have bereavement therapy and CBT again and I will be fine after that.


Well firstly, bereavement therapy.... I had that again since seeing that MH team. They agreed with me and apologised they couldn't do more, saying that even if I was at total peace with the death of my family, the big picture is they were people who could accompany me places and now I no longer have them or anything to replace for that help.


Now CBT, having it at the end of the month.


I'm just so stuck though. I really do need that hands on help with OT and Support worker. That was even direct from people who work in that industry and are experienced but time and time again mental health teams refuse to refer me, in place of something else. Which I attend, it's not effective and i'm referred back to my GP to start the cycle over again (See another MH team, referred back to CBT, waiting list for 8 months, have CBT, no change, back to GP again, and repeat).