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Thread: Parties..?!

  1. #1
    Senior Member flowerangelx's Avatar
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    Parties..?!

    Hi all,

    Next Saturday, there's a party that I pretty much am obligated to go to (aunties 60th/cousins 30th, joint party!)

    Does anyone else dread events like this? The small talk of people asking what you do etc? or asking why you have a walking stick or crutches?

    I'm hoping I won't be in too much pain that night so I can go stick-free(the dwp already know I sometimes don't need a walking aid) as it's one less awkward answer to give. I panic if people ask about stuff like that! I'm very socially awkward at the best of times...

    Not only that, the dress code, as requested by my auntie..is black OR white, dresses or skirts for females and suits for males. Oh, and heels for the ladies. I've already told her I can't physically wear heels because of my knee. At 5ft 9, I don't need to wear heels anyway! She has also asked that people cover any tattoos....not a lot I can do about mine, it's on my wrist.

    I am looking forward to 'dolling up' so to speak, though. I have decided to fit the black or white theme around a very gothy looking long black dress! I didn't even need to buy a dress as I already had one that was perfect, I have never worn it, so I'm quite happy about that.

    How do other people cope with any events like this? :/

  2. #2
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    My social skills leave a lot to be desired. At these kind of events id typically be quiet and not particularly social. Show my face and get home at the earliest opportunity. I hate those what do you do questions. Often others such as have you found a job. Im not even looking but dont want to get into a conversation about the (medical) reasons why.

    Dont mind so much about dressing up, but small talk isnt going to happen. With an autism diagnosis however, that is to be expected given its a core part of the diagnostic criteria.

  3. #3
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    Hi all,

    I've got too admit I'm in the same boat, Christmas two years ago was a bit of a nightmare, dragged off to someone else's house, low seating that killed my back, enforced jollity for hours on end, no understanding of fatigue, able bodied people think you'll get a second wind (you don't) followed by sleeping in an uncomfortable child size bed, and a morning bath that I almost couldn't get out of (no bath mat).

    Next year I've got to go back to go to a wedding I've got no way of not going as it family, only this time it'll be worse cause my MS has got worse and it'll be three days an two nights! It'll probably take me weeks to fully recover!

    And of course there's always the awkward questions from strangers it's a wedding there will be plenty of people I don't know (what do you do?) I think I'll tell them I'm a professional scrounger that'll probably put paid to any further invitations later. Even worse my husband coming and he's "on the sick" as well! We're really gonna look like Daisy and Onslow from Keeping up appearances.

    The only thought I'm clinging onto is its the things you don't want to do you end up enjoying the most. Maybe you and I should cling too it together we might have a better time than we thought.

  4. #4
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    In that case Archersmate, try booking into nearby cheap hotel or try AirBNB. You won't SEE accessibile options there but a few emails back and forth found us a basement flat with a LIFT that my wheelchair could get in. In London.
    The money is well spent if you get good nights kip and as for the MS......havent you seen the T-shirt.."I'm not drunk, i have MS"
    As for fatigue...I say i have to go lie down. NOW. (this at 2.30pm) or try lying down on the floor (I've been sorely tempted)

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    Reddivine, hi, I'd love to book into a hotel but, it's a family members' 5 bedroom house I'm staying at as she lives there alone so space for her isn't a problem, unlike me she lives in a rather upmarket area a long way from London, I haven't seen the MS t shirts but I don't think one would be appropriate wedding guest attire!

    As for: The fatigue question.

    I've suggested that, as their having a memory room I could lock myself in there for a kip which only provoked a chuckle! I thought the best time for this could be during the speeches (I don't care no ones' gonna be my inlaws, but that could ruin the wedding which would be a bit mean)

    All this is beginning to sound like the script of a bad sitcom!

  6. #6
    Senior Member phaedra's Avatar
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    I quite literally had to be forced to attend my best friends 60th about a week ago. As I had to take loads of various meds just to get out the front door I had to get another friend to drive me there and back. I lasted for a whole 3 hours before having to call it a night, I was back home and in bed by 10:30pm!.

    Took me another 3 days to recover from it, by the time I had to go to the Post Office the 8 Imodium I'd had to take had finally worn off and I had to take more to be able to get out for even a such a short journey.

    I think I spent most of the evening trying to explain why I hadn't been to various friends and families parties/weddings/funerals etc. over the last 15 years.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Archersmate View Post
    Reddivine, hi, I'd love to book into a hotel but, it's a family members' 5 bedroom house I'm staying at as she lives there alone so space for her isn't a problem, unlike me she lives in a rather upmarket area a long way from London, I haven't seen the MS t shirts but I don't think one would be appropriate wedding guest attire!

    As for: The fatigue question.

    I've suggested that, as their having a memory room I could lock myself in there for a kip which only provoked a chuckle! I thought the best time for this could be during the speeches (I don't care no ones' gonna be my inlaws, but that could ruin the wedding which would be a bit mean)

    All this is beginning to sound like the script of a bad sitcom!
    archersmate, if the bathroom is not disabled friend;y, it does not matter how many rooms she has. As for fatigue, your one guest in ?? many ppl. Tell them, it isn't "being tired"....FATIGUES STOPS YOU DEAD. Direct them to the MS society webpage if you have to. your not spoiling their day....its all about them, no ones looking at you!! Before now, i have been "will anyone notice if i just lay on the floor for a bit" and believe me, when fatigue hits, that sounded entirely sensible in my head. Add alcohol to the mix and I'd just be under the table. your limits are not everyone else's and the sooner your nearest and dearest "get" it the better.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Lighttouch's Avatar
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    Parties seem to be confined to Christmas so I can cope with once a year.

    I much refer going out for meals with a friend followed by a theatre visit. I went for a light lunch in Manchester's Royal Exchange Theatre before a matinee drama. We were invited to join a couple on their table as there was no other space to sit. We ended up having a right laugh with this couple we'd never met before and after 45 minutes had to find out theatre seats. As we were leaving this man's wife gave me a kiss and he gave my friend a double kiss before parting.

    Isn't it funny how friendly complete strangers can be in such a short space of time - obviously a Northern trait!

    This Sunday it's Mothering Sunday and my mum's birthday so we're meeting my nieces and partners out for an informal lunch in a Country pub. I'm not into 'power dressing' I much prefer smaller, informal more intimate parties with casual dress code any day.

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    As for fatigue, your one guest in ?? many ppl.
    It's a small 50people wedding mostly made up of family members.


    Tell them, it isn't "being tired"....FATIGUES STOPS YOU DEAD.
    These family members on both sides are not uninformed people! Although i don't know the groom's family, My sisters' a qualified nurse and knows at least one other person with MS, and is better informed than most.

    your not spoiling their day....its all about them, no ones looking at you!!
    Absolutely, but the bride (my niece) would be disappointed if her guests were unable too leave their memories in the memory room because it had been hijacked!

    I Before now, i have been "will anyone notice if i just lay on the floor for a bit" and believe me, when fatigue hits, that sounded entirely sensible in my head.
    I know the feeling. I have sat on walls/benches in the p****** rain (under an umbrella) because I'd reached the point of no return!


    But my situation doesn't really help Flowerangel.

    I'd hope that her Auntie/cousin will be well aware of her issues and will try to make her comfortable, they obviously want her there so shouldn't expect more of her than she's able.

    Inspite of everything I've been saying family members usually are more flexible than we'd think, and are often thrilled that we've made the effort to be at these events.

    I know it's a bit late Flowerangel but, could you take someone else with you to this party? At least you'd have someone with you to act as a bit of a buffer 3 way chitchat might be easier for you too handle if you know one of the parties involved.

  10. #10
    Senior Member flowerangelx's Avatar
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    I am taking a plus one, who happens to make me feel completely relaxed and comfortable.

    My auntie is aware of my issues, she's just very self involved and doesn't care about them.

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