Child is too big / teens are still young !!

[naw14gab]

Hello,
I really want to share my thoughts with you and for some of you this might be rubbish talking but I keep thinking of it .
Let me start with my child's nursery : My child just started full time nursery 2 months ago and by time I found how strict they are which is good . But in same time I noticed that teachers as well as the head office ones are un friendly although they try to. Head office staff are very serious and more than 2 questions with them make their face go more serious on you and let you end what you saying and just disappear from their faces. Teachers also are serious when it comes to talking to parents ....like when I pick up my child and they come to give me a quick report they say your child pushed someone today or she didn't listen or so on in a very serious way giving me 2 impression :
1- That my child is too old and she did something wrong and didn't listen and knows what she is doing !
2- Blaming parents in accuse way ! although they try to smile a bit while talking but eyes open widely and they look annoyed !

One of my friend was in big trouble with social workers because her child said something about her mother holding a knife at home and this never happened but this child always been known by all family that she has big imagination and says untrue things and never listen to anyone . They found all this out later and mother was free from accusation .

I feel that the pressure on parents are great and I do appreciate that they try to protect kids from abuse but not to blame parents on every single and tiny movement or word come out from the child . We as a parents are not supposed to get angry on kids !!!! how ?

Nursery age kids are still developing and growing and discovering and learning and imagining and pretending and say untrue things to see reactions , how come we are judged for those things they should do because of their early age ?????

While teenagers in this country are the most bad kids ...very aggressive and rude and famous in crimes and trouble makers and don't respect old people or teachers and bring troubles to parents >>> what about them ???? why teachers cant control them ???? why they say its normal because of their age ??????? why they ask parents to look after kids and never do something wrong to them and put extra pressure on parents and at the end kids free to leave home at age of 16 ???? are they fully matured at age of 16 ? sorry but there is no balance in this country about kids and parents in general ....

Going to my child nursery each morning make me feel un comfortable because of the teachers way of talking to parents and to me and dealing issues in very serious way .

You just cant talk freely with them about anything ....the minutes you open your mouth to complain about your child of something they look at you like you telling a secret and might be judged or reported !!!!!!
I thought being a parent is a joy but not in this country .

[nukecad]

OOh,some big subjects there.
Heres a few of my thoughts.

Some years ago, as a society, we started on a daring social experiment.

Disciplining our children was no longer the way, we were supposed to reason with them instead.
(Reason with a tantrum throwing child, must have been made up by someone who has never even seen a child).

Children cannot be reasoned with, they are children with short attention spans and developing social skills.
Children are all about me, me, me, until they learn differently.
This learning involves setting boundries, and discipline if the boundries are crossed.

Social workers, school teachers, and nursery workers were at the forefront of this experiment and parents had to fall in line or somehow they were 'bad' parents.

So what are the results of this experiment so far?

We now have a generation of young adults who have never been taught self discipline.
Because they have rarely, if ever, been disciplined or punished they have learnt that most of the time they can get away with ignoring the rules of society.
Ask any police officer, or ambulance crew, or fire crew.

And even worse than that- they are correct.
Unless members of society police themselves we do not have a large enough police force to enforce the law, we never have had.

Take the riots of a few years ago; ostensibly a protest over a race issue it was nothing of the sort.
Certain young adults and teenagers saw that there was no-one able to stop them so they just looted anything that took their fancy, after setting a few fires to keep 'the authorities' busy.
They have learned that if the break the law in sufficent numbers then the police are powerless to stop them.
I have no doubt that this will happen again in a few years.

Oh, and don't forget that the first subjects of this social experiment are now parents themselves.
What chance do their kids have of becoming responsible members of society?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As for whether someone is mature at age 16; of course not but try telling them that.
I thought I was, as I'm sure most of us did.

This one however is not a new problem, it's always been an issue as to just when someone is considered 'old enough' to make their own way in the world.

Take the age of sexual consent, this was set at 16 years old in 1885 and remains so today.
Before that it was 12, for a female, until 1875 when it was raised to 13.
(There does not seem to have been a minimum age for males that I can find).

Just some of the current confusion:
You can have a part time job at 14+, but have to be 16 for a full time job.
And you have to attend school until the last Friday in June of your 16th year.
You can buy a soft drink in a bar at 14, but not alcohol until 18.
You can legally have sex at 16.
You can drive a car at 17 if you pass your test.
You can't vote until you are 18, or place a bet in a betting shop. (But you can buy a lottery ticket at 16).
You need to be 21 to drive a bus, or a lorry over 7.5 tonnes, or a road roller.
At 21 you are entitled to the full rate of the national minimum wage;
But if you are claiming (most) benefits you don't get the full 'adult' rate until you are 25.

Is it any wonder that people get confused about when they are considered to be an adult.

[rich-ward]

Hello,
I really want to share my thoughts with you and for some of you this might be rubbish talking but I keep thinking of it .
Let me start with my child's nursery : My child just started full time nursery 2 months ago and by time I found how strict they are which is good . But in same time I noticed that teachers as well as the head office ones are un friendly although they try to. Head office staff are very serious and more than 2 questions with them make their face go more serious on you and let you end what you saying and just disappear from their faces. Teachers also are serious when it comes to talking to parents ....like when I pick up my child and they come to give me a quick report they say your child pushed someone today or she didn't listen or so on in a very serious way giving me 2 impression :
1- That my child is too old and she did something wrong and didn't listen and knows what she is doing !
2- Blaming parents in accuse way ! although they try to smile a bit while talking but eyes open widely and they look annoyed !

One of my friend was in big trouble with social workers because her child said something about her mother holding a knife at home and this never happened but this child always been known by all family that she has big imagination and says untrue things and never listen to anyone . They found all this out later and mother was free from accusation .

I feel that the pressure on parents are great and I do appreciate that they try to protect kids from abuse but not to blame parents on every single and tiny movement or word come out from the child . We as a parents are not supposed to get angry on kids !!!! how ?

Nursery age kids are still developing and growing and discovering and learning and imagining and pretending and say untrue things to see reactions , how come we are judged for those things they should do because of their early age ?????

While teenagers in this country are the most bad kids ...very aggressive and rude and famous in crimes and trouble makers and don't respect old people or teachers and bring troubles to parents >>> what about them ???? why teachers cant control them ???? why they say its normal because of their age ??????? why they ask parents to look after kids and never do something wrong to them and put extra pressure on parents and at the end kids free to leave home at age of 16 ???? are they fully matured at age of 16 ? sorry but there is no balance in this country about kids and parents in general ....

Going to my child nursery each morning make me feel un comfortable because of the teachers way of talking to parents and to me and dealing issues in very serious way .

You just cant talk freely with them about anything ....the minutes you open your mouth to complain about your child of something they look at you like you telling a secret and might be judged or reported !!!!!!
I thought being a parent is a joy but not in this country .

So would you rather that the teachers took no interest in your child's welfare or behaviour?

If your child pushed or possible hurt another child - that's serious and they need to do something about it.

Maybe once you get to know each other better the contact between you and the staff will become more relaxed?

[flowerangelx]

Oh god. I remember being a child(I'd say around 5 or 6), having a hearing test at school, failing said hearing test...

The headmaster of the school called my mum into his office and asked if I was being abused at home(yes, really!) because I was disruptive, loud and badly behaved and they thought it was attention seeking. Usually there is a reason for certain things..

Turns out, they had failed to inform my parents of my hearing test, and eventually, I had grommets fitted in my ears, and my behaviour improved because I knew what was going on and I could hear. My mum only found out when she had a casual conversation with the school nurse!

[buster21]

OOh,some big subjects there.
Heres a few of my thoughts.

Some years ago, as a society, we started on a daring social experiment.

Disciplining our children was no longer the way, we were supposed to reason with them instead.
(Reason with a tantrum throwing child, must have been made up by someone who has never even seen a child).

Children cannot be reasoned with, they are children with short attention spans and developing social skills.
Children are all about me, me, me, until they learn differently.
This learning involves setting boundries, and discipline if the boundries are crossed.

Social workers, school teachers, and nursery workers were at the forefront of this experiment and parents had to fall in line or somehow they were 'bad' parents.

So what are the results of this experiment so far?

We now have a generation of young adults who have never been taught self discipline.
Because they have rarely, if ever, been disciplined or punished they have learnt that most of the time they can get away with ignoring the rules of society.
Ask any police officer, or ambulance crew, or fire crew.

And even worse than that- they are correct.
Unless members of society police themselves we do not have a large enough police force to enforce the law, we never have had.

Take the riots of a few years ago; ostensibly a protest over a race issue it was nothing of the sort.
Certain young adults and teenagers saw that there was no-one able to stop them so they just looted anything that took their fancy, after setting a few fires to keep 'the authorities' busy.
They have learned that if the break the law in sufficent numbers then the police are powerless to stop them.
I have no doubt that this will happen again in a few years.

Oh, and don't forget that the first subjects of this social experiment are now parents themselves.
What chance do their kids have of becoming responsible members of society?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As for whether someone is mature at age 16; of course not but try telling them that.
I thought I was, as I'm sure most of us did.

This one however is not a new problem, it's always been an issue as to just when someone is considered 'old enough' to make their own way in the world.

Take the age of sexual consent, this was set at 16 years old in 1885 and remains so today.
Before that it was 12, for a female, until 1875 when it was raised to 13.
(There does not seem to have been a minimum age for males that I can find).

Just some of the current confusion:
You can have a part time job at 14+, but have to be 16 for a full time job.
And you have to attend school until the last Friday in June of your 16th year.
You can buy a soft drink in a bar at 14, but not alcohol until 18.
You can legally have sex at 16.
You can drive a car at 17 if you pass your test.
You can't vote until you are 18, or place a bet in a betting shop. (But you can buy a lottery ticket at 16).
You need to be 21 to drive a bus, or a lorry over 7.5 tonnes, or a road roller.
At 21 you are entitled to the full rate of the national minimum wage;
But if you are claiming (most) benefits you don't get the full 'adult' rate until you are 25.

Is it any wonder that people get confused about when they are considered to be an adult.

Society is turning more and more in to a minefield in my opinion in terms of the relationship between parents "children" and "young people" and state institutions such as schools, local government, the DWP, the police, children's services etc. I believe the state agents who work for these institutions, for example, teachers and social workers have become obsessed with a fear of having to cover their own backs and the backs of their colleagues - resulting in relationships with parents becoming very strained in far too many cases - lacking in empathy and trust - to the detriment of the very people who count the most - children and young people.

Actually, although a child or young person can leave school at 16; just last year the government introduced a new law which now means young people must remain in full-time education until the age of 18 - unless they are in employment or training. Think about the implications of this - how will this be policed/regulated? Actually, I was talking to a teacher just the other day and he told me the reason behind this change is to reduce the numbers of so called NEATs - not in education, training or employment. it's all about fiddling the figures - he told me.

Buster

[naw14gab]

you totally getting me wrong . This is not the hidden points that I was trying to focus on.

[nukecad]

you totally getting me wrong . This is not the hidden points that I was trying to focus on.

Sorry if we are missunderstanding you here, if this is the case then would you like to make things a bit clearer?

Is there a specific problem that we may be able to help advise about?
(I believe that your child will be 3 or 4 years old now).

Is this anything to do with your situation in 2014 when you were vistited by the Child Protection Agency?

As I remember you had also posted previously to that about your childs behaviour, and how you were having dificulty coping with her?

[rich-ward]

Sorry if we are missunderstanding you here, if this is the case then would you like to make things a bit clearer?

Is there a specific problem that we may be able to help advise about?
(I believe that your child will be 3 or 4 years old now).

Is this anything to do with your situation in 2014 when you were vistited by the Child Protection Agency?

As I remember you had also posted previously to that about your childs behaviour, and how you were having dificulty coping with her?

I also wondered if any of this situation had something to do with the issues the OP posted about when she first joined here.

[rich-ward]

I also wondered if any of this situation had something to do with the issues the OP posted about when she first joined here.

Just to add -

The OP started a thread - talking about having a second child.

Here she is talking about a small child who has been in Nursery for 3 months.

In 2014 the OP posted that her child was happy in Nursery.

Sorry, but this does not make sense.

[Fluffybunny80]

No you don't HAVE to attend school until you are 16. Homeschooling is completely legal in the UK and parents do not at present have to register their child with the local authority when beginning Homeschooling, though they can if they so wish.