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Thread: Argh. Emotional blackmail from family!

  1. #1
    Senior Member flowerangelx's Avatar
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    Argh. Emotional blackmail from family!

    This is more of a rant than seeking advice!

    As some of you are aware, my dad has terminal cancer. He's been told to enjoy christmas and the new year but probably best not to make plans for easter.

    His family..have decided to try and use this to their advantage. They ruined what could be my last birthday with him by taking him out of the country. Now, they have taken over his birthday..we are going to my aunties for Christmas because dad wanted to spend his birthday with me, mum, my sister and my niece. My auntie was absolutely fine up until we told her this, then she started fake(!!!) crying. No tears coming out at all. So now, we are going for a huge family meal, which my dad didn't want.

    Bloody annoying. His whole family are doing that...are we just heartless? We aren't as emotional about it..we just are happy to spend any time with him..

  2. #2
    Senior Member flowerangelx's Avatar
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    Thank you and sorry for your loss.

    The problem is..my auntie behaves like a child, despite being a very intelligent adult. She throws her toys out of the pram if things aren't to her plan. She has jealousy issues.

    It isn't just me that has picked up on family members emotionally blackmailing dad...my mum, sister and my dads brother also agree with me. I feel like we're going to have to say something after Christmas and his birthday as it's getting too much now.

  3. #3
    Senior Member nukecad's Avatar
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    Always a bad time,

    Sometime I wonder if we get too much advance notice these days.

    Everyone tries to cope in their own way, which can sometimes seem insensitive to others.

    Your dad is the main man in this situation. What does he want?

    Not to be awkward here but what he wants now is the main thing, not what you or any other family member wants.

    It's a number of years since I lost my own parents, but on both occasions we listened to their wishes.

    And by the way {{{hugs}}}.
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  4. #4
    Senior Member flowerangelx's Avatar
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    Thanks..

    Dad wanted to be here for my birthday, but they arranged a 'surprise' trip to latvia for him despite him saying he didn't want to go until after Christmas.

    He also just wanted to spend his birthday here in Nottingham, with my sister, her partner and their daughter coming up from Bristol. None of his family have respected that...he tried to tell them that but my auntie started crying and he felt guilty so agreed to this family meal that he didn't want...

  5. #5
    Senior Member nukecad's Avatar
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    Ahh bugger,

    It sounds to me that your dad is trying to look after the family because the family don't know how to react.

    Thats what dads do.

    Don't fall out with the rest of your family because of this stressful time.

    They are all confused and trying to do what they think is best, you may not agree and you may be right, there again it might have been just what he wanted at the time.
    I don't know everything. - But I'm good at searching for, and finding, stuff.

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  6. #6
    Senior Member flowerangelx's Avatar
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    But he was trying to please everyone...we were supposed to be spending Christmas in Bristol, but we were guilt tripped into going to York instead. Fair enough...but now with his birthday it's too much...

  7. #7
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    Why not arrange the close family gathering for a week after his birthday? (and perhaps not tell the others about it). That way you will still have your intimate get together, and the date doesn't really matter.

  8. #8
    Senior Member flowerangelx's Avatar
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    Because my sister is back on placement and can't come up to Nottingham now.

    The birthday meal was enjoyable..but even dad got a bit annoyed at his siblings!

    Same for Christmas..we were coming back Boxing Day morning, my auntie had no intention of letting us leave then. In the end my dad ended up shouting at everyone and we left. They actually suggested my uncle took me and my mum home, and dad could stay longer...that's when he lost it!

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