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Thread: Overwhelmed -Warning long post-

  1. #1
    New Member
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    Oct 2015
    Location
    Comox Valley, British Columbia, Canada
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    Unhappy Overwhelmed -Warning long post-

    I never considered myself an unhealthy person in the past, but now looking back, I see that I was unhealthy. I have the following conditions:

    Clinical Depression
    ADHD
    Sleep Apnea
    Restless Leg Syndrome
    Severe Insomnia
    PTSD
    Anxiety related to PTSD
    and now Complex Regional Pain Syndrome

    The clinical depression comes from my mother, who has manic depression (not quite bipolar...though some days I wonder...) and is currently being treated by Effexor (venafaxilne) 150mg. However, since being told I have CRPS I have been more and more depressed like a big black hole is swallowing me. I find it rare to be happy, though my wife is the love of my life. I have more feelings of suicide, and worthlessness.

    My parents were told I had ADHD when I was in grade 3, they didn't believe my teacher because in girls it manifests differently. I was a day dreamer, and had the ability to focus on some things. Things I liked, the problem was I hyper focus to the point where its actually painful to drag me away from whatever I'm hyper focused on. I should be taking 40mg of Adderall, however before we had insurance to cover the costs of medication it simply was too much being around $200/30days. It has caused me much mayhem in my life, from not being able to get up for work, to losing motivation and simply not going to work, to being awkward in public situations since I tend to interupt people, oops!

    The sleep apnea and restless leg syndrome, we discovered when we were testing to see what caused my insomnia. They hoped that getting the sleep apnea under control (I use a cpap machine, it works wonders and I get to sound like Darth Vader) would help my sleeplessness. It doesn't, we have tried CBT but all it did was make me more and more tired, and more stressed out, and I simply wasn't sleeping at all towards the end. Right now I get a couple hours' sleep, which leaves me depleted but enough to function. The restless leg syndrome I was taking something that was related to Parkinsons, but didn't like the side effects. Currently it seems to have died down a lot, as I can't move my legs for fear of hurting my feet.

    My PTSD and the anxiety related to it is from years of abuse, mentally, sexually, and financially. Because of the poor lifestyle I had with these relationships (be it with my parents, or partners in life) I am now easily intimidated by people. Large crowds make me very nervous, and I fear that I'm being judged harshly and that I am worthless to the people I see. Men cause a lot of anxiety, especially if they aggressively yell. You will find me cowering in a corner in tears. This has made it incredibly hard to make friends, as I can't trust as easily as I'd like to, and I have no self confidence. I am getting therapy to help with this though.

    The complex regional pain syndrome, has proved to be a miserable challenge. I'm in excruciating pain daily. It has left me unable to bare weight on either of my feet, and has made my legs hyper sensitive. My GP has been pretty useless, unable to give me much for pain killers. I'm going to a painclinic on Wednesday to be assessed for some sort of pain management. Lets hope it works. Since I cannot walk, I'm wheelchair bound, which means that my house no longer is friendly to me, the stairs kill me and there's no way to avoid them as both the bathroom and the bedroom are there. I cannot bathe myself without supervision, as I can't stand in the tub to shower, and I get dizzy from my medications.

    Currently I'm on Lyrica (Pregab), Tramadol, Percocet (Oxycodone), and Nortriptyline. They all don't work, or if they do I cannot tell. I have tried gabapentin and it did not work, same with amatriptyline.

    My dear wife does not understand my mourning for my life. When I tell her I won't be walking on my own quite possibly for the rest of my life, she denies it saying I'll find a way. I know she's just trying to stay positive. But it feels like some days she just doesn't understand. I'm so messed up.

    I don't even know if when I apply for benefits I should include all my ailments, or just the CRPS.

    Thanks for reading,

    Lessa.

  2. #2
    New Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Comox Valley, British Columbia, Canada
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    23
    I guess I forgot to mention my question whoops.

    How did/do you cope with your illness?

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