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Thread: Feeling really stressed.

  1. #1
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    Feeling really stressed.

    Had a really bad week last week, with pain etc. Then I had my flu jab on Wednesday which made me feel really poorly for a few days. On Thursday, I helped my Father-in-Law with his PIP forms, he was very confused and anxious about the difference between DLA and PIP. We went through all his illnesses and conditions one by one and how they affect him on a daily basis etc, and I wrote a load of notes to help him fill out his form. Fingers crossed it will be good enough.

    Then last night, I had a call from my son to say my Dad had been rushed to hospital with a suspected stroke. My Dad is 85 and quite frail. So, I have hardly slept all night, (not helped by the fact that my parents do not talk to me, so I cannot phone my Mum to find out what is going on). I am feeling really low and extremely stressed, (and also very useless as I cannot do anything, not even visit my Dad. I am in Staffs and my parents live in Essex, so the distance is a major factor, but I would not be welcome anyway).

    All this has triggered my OCD massively and at the moment I am fighting the compulsion to clean, decorate, anything to try and control my feelings. (it has also triggered all the memories of losing my eldest son 4 years ago). I know if I do any of these things it will exacerbate my pain levels to a degree that I will probably end up in hospital myself. I really do not know what to do with myself at the moment.
    What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

  2. #2
    Senior Member beau's Avatar
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    BB, so sorry to hear your news.
    Personally I would phone your mum. it may be that this event will help to build bridges and she may be glad of knowing she has your support.
    Alternatively phone the hospital to ask about his progress even if you have to explain the problems with your parents. You can ask that they tell him you have rung and sending your best wishes.
    I do realise that if you are rebuffed it will not help you but it is worth a try.

  3. #3
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    It is a real stresser and I sympathise. In March my mom was taken into hospital and after a month a nursing home. We expected the worst. But she is doing okay now. This co-incided with my wheelchair motor being broke, so I cd not travel to see her for a while.
    Nothing you DO to your house, (clean, decorate etc) with improve your dad.
    You are doing the right thing to come on here and vent. If you have friends who can pop round and chat to you, just to talk out the worry, invite them round.
    It is awful to feel powerless - I have my faith to turn to, but life still throws you a curveball now and again, stay strong!

  4. #4
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    Thanks for your replies and support. It means a lot.

    My partner is useless with things like this, he thinks if he keeps making me cups of tea then it will all be ok.

    Unfortunately the OCD won. I have just deep cleaned the kitchen.

    Beau, I tried ringing my Mum when my Dad was poorly before, she put the phone down on me. Thankfully, my Son is keeping me updated as he finds things out. They are pretty sure my Dad had a TIA, if not an actual stroke. He also has urine retention and very high blood pressure, so it is a matter of waiting for more news.

    I am trying to keep positive, I know my Dad is a fighter, he had a triple bypass 5 years ago and sailed through it.
    What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

  5. #5
    Senior Member beau's Avatar
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    BB, so very sad, a similar thing happened to me when my dad was ill 45 years ago, I was not even told for several days until my granddad said something as he thought I should know.

    Just let your son keep giving you updates, at least you have some contact for information.

  6. #6
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    Update on my Dad.

    His blood pressure has gone down a bit and he has been catheterised.

    My son has filled me in a bit more about the circumstances of my Dad being admitted. He had a bad turn on Sunday, pain related to the urine retention etc, and seemed very confused. My son went to my parents house and my Dad did not recognise him and my Dad also thought he was somewhere else. Unbeknown to me, these episodes of confusion etc have been going on for some time. (my son thought my sister had told me about this but she had not, my sister stopped talking to me a few months ago also. This happens on a regular basis, she is in touch for a while, then cuts me off again). I have tried contacting my sister, (last night) but as usual, she is ignoring me.

    The hospital have confirmed a TIA, but have also said they are pretty sure my Dad has dementia/alzheimers. This has completely floored me. My Dad has always been a sharp, intelligent and independent person, and to think of him losing all that is breaking my heart. It hurts to know that I am unable to be with him and help him.

    My parents cut me off years ago when I left my childrens father, (my kids were all adults by then). Even after everything they have done, the way they have treated me, I would do anything for them. I cannot believe that people would do this to a member of their family, especially at a time like this. (when my eldest son died, a friend had to ring me and tell me as my family did not contact me). Now, when things are like they are with my Dad, I wish they could let the past go so we can pull together as a family.

    I am sorry for posting all this on the forum, but I am feeling so low and worried about my Dad.
    What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

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